Gay or Whatever
by PriestessAmy
Summary: Brooke asks Audrey about her sexuality, but it's not for malicious reasons. The two find they have something in common. A shame about the fact that they both have significant others. Set in the ever-popular "No Killer and Everything is Fine" AU.


"Hey you're like gay or whatever right."

Okay. That was a terrible lead-in sentence. And, oh good, Brooke was the one talking to her. Of all the people it could have been, she was probably the best possible option. But the nicest wasp was still a wasp. Needless to say, Audrey was on her guard. It didn't help that the two of them were also without their usual protective layers of friends. Emma had some dude, Noah had some girl, and she was here by herself nursing a beer. But at least Brooke was equally alone. That almost made Audrey feel better.

"I'm not even going to justify that with a response, princess. I'm 80% certain this is bait for some stupid game, and in the 20% chance that I'm wrong, do you really think a preacher's kid would be anything other than straight as an arrow?" Granted, her answer was way too prickly, but she wasn't in the best mood, so to hell with it.

Brooke looked shocked, but not in that way she normally did when she was acting – which was pretty much all the time. Audrey was slow to realize the girl didn't have a drink on her and she seemed quite clear-headed. Normally you could kinda tell when someone like her was coming at you with some bullshit, and her internal detector had gotten pretty good. And that bullshit detector was quiet as all get-out. "Look, I deserve that. I'm not so air-headed that I don't know what a bitch I am. But I was kind of hoping that maybe me showing a little humility would help even the playing field. Or at least start to? I don't know."

As much as she hated to admit it, the idea that Brooke was coming to her with some kind of legitimate question did actually make Audrey feel less... rage-y. She was still hesitant to actually say anything just yet.

"I'll do you one better than that, okay? Let me just kinda say what I wanted to. And then like if you don't believe me or you aren't feeling it, no harm no foul, and you still get to walk away with some juicy gossip you can use to get back at me." She stopped for a moment to center herself, and she had a look on her face that pretty plainly said _I need a goddamn drink_. Since poor Brooke was trying to extend an olive branch, Audrey opted to take it by passing her barely-drunk beer to the blonde. Brooke actually took it and immediately downed it in one go. "I think... I might not necessarily be as straight as I pretend to be. And I thought that you... I mean, I guess I'm wrong. But I was hoping you might at least have some advice about... dealing? Living with it? Advice? I don't know, something."

All the frustration that had been building up for Audrey the entire evening suddenly drained away. If this was real, if this was actually happening, then it was what her father might have called a miracle if he weren't a raging douchebag about stuff. She stood up from where she was sitting and actually gave a little smile – wry though it was. "Let me get us some more drinks." Before long the two had full bottles of beer and were able to find themselves a properly vacant area of the party away from the loud music and louder guests. "Alright, so, yes. I'm... something. Probably bi, I don't know. It can be confusing sometimes, and maybe that's the first thing I'd say? Is that it's alright if you don't know what to call yourself. And it's also okay if you change it somewhere down the line. And I probably sound super smart and experienced, but I'm also pretty terrified too."

All this honesty seemed to be helping, because Brooke looked genuinely relieved, even if Audrey basically did just say she was useless. "Um, that's fine. You don't have to be my mentor or whatever. It's just... I'm glad to not be alone, you know?"

Audrey leaned back and sipped her drink, trying to keep from overdoing it now that she had a decent reason to be sober. "Well, let's start with something easy then. How are things with your boyfriend? I mean, is it like... 'I might wanna ditch him'? Or just 'oh no if he finds out I also like girls he could get mega jealous and freak'?"

Brooke shrugged sadly, if such a thing were possible. "The latter. He can be a sweetheart, but that's a possibility. And let's face it, most of the people I hang out with wouldn't be too excited if I came out. Afraid I'd start macking on them. Pah, they wish..." She quickly washed down the bitterness with more beer. "Except Emma, I guess. She seems cool enough."

Now there was a sensitive subject. Audrey put on her best nonchalant face, looking away for a moment. "Yeah, no, she's great."

"Well what about you!" Brooke, bless her heart, seemed to recognize the sore spot and attempted to change subjects. "How are things with... shoot, Rachel right?"

Audrey's face softened a bit and she nodded her head in approval. Nice to know that she was actually paying attention. "Things are pretty good. I mean, neither of us can be particularly out and proud in our situations. That puts a damper on things sometimes, but when we can get away from it all, it's... nice." Ugh, yeah, who was she trying to convince, Brooke or herself? Rachel was kind of a mess sometimes, and they did fight a fair bit. Things were rough more than they were smooth. But no sense ruining this counseling thing with personal bullshit.

The two girls continued to talk through things for a while as the party died down around them. Eventually their friends came in search of them and they had to part ways before they started getting asked too many questions. Well, it was a given for Audrey – Emma and Noah were naturally inquisitive about everything. Hopefully Brooke wouldn't have too hard a time of things.

They didn't make explicit plans to meet up, but they had at least swapped numbers in case they found some time. Audrey figured she wouldn't actually hear from her for quite some time.

/

It only took two weeks. It actually came as kind of a shock to hear her phone ringing and see Brooke's name there instead of the usual five people that she was normally in contact with. She just barely managed to snap herself out of her stupor to answer. "Hey, Brooke, what's up?"

There was a pathetic sniffle from the other end of the line followed by a pathetic scraping voice, the sound of someone in "a state" as her mother might call it, someone who had been crying for quite some time and was now, say for example, drinking until they drowned. "Juh-Juh-Jake..."

Immediately Audrey started to bristle. This was minimal information and her brain was going to the darkest possible place. Did he hurt her? If that asshole did anything gross she was going to round up a crew to beat his ass. "I-It's okay, Brooke, take your time. Tell me what happened."

"He dumped me. Or... I dumped him?" There was another long pause. "It's unclear. But he was an asshole either way. Can you come over and just... hang or whatever? For just like a little bit? It would be good to be... not alone..." Audrey certainly meant what she had said about looking out for Brooke, and this qualified as an emergency. But she was an idiot if she didn't realize the massive stupidity of this too, going to a pretty girl's house to comfort her in her hour of need.

It didn't take long to get across town to the gigantic Maddox estate. She could only see the one car out front and thanked her lucky stars that the mayor wasn't around for this. Audrey knocked at the door and was quickly ushered inside by a very unfamiliar Brooke. Make-up and good hair and fashion sense were all long gone and out the door, replaced with pajamas and tissues. Audrey, with her leather jacket and torn jeans, suddenly felt like the more dolled-up one. "Uh. Hey."

Brooke didn't even bother with words. She just nodded her head in the direction of the house's rather impressive staircase and started walking. Audrey shrugged and followed along. The girl's room was pretty messy as well, some archaeological evidence on display that there had been a decent tantrum when she first got home.

Brooke curled up on her bed with a glass of wine, the bottle next to her already half-drunk. The bottle next to that one was empty. _Goddamn. Well, when in Rome._ She kicked off her shoes and discarded her jacket before settling onto the bed next to her. The glass of wine was passed off, which Brooke speedily replaced by simply drinking straight from the bottle. "So is it fair to assume that this is a specifically us-related situation? Or else you wouldn't have called me?" There was really only one thing it could mean. Her eyes suddenly went a little wider, and for a small moment she was honestly really proud of this girl that she still only barely knew. "You came out to him didn't you."

"Yeah." Brooke was not nearly as optimistic, making her point with another impressive swig of wine. "I did. And then he proceeded to somehow give me every cliché in the book. I've doubled the chance that I'll cheat on him. Maybe I can get him in a three-way. I'm probably going to cheat on him. It was... awful." Brooke sniffled again, and Audrey reached out almost instinctively to take her hand. Not only did Brooke not shy away, she slowly, hesitantly shuffled closer until she felt comfortable enough to nestle against her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I know you've got your own shit going on and me dumping all this on you isn't exactly helping."

Woah, did Brooke just show legitimate empathy and apologize for something that wasn't even really her fault? Some people had trouble getting Brooke to apologize for things that actually _were_ her fault! "No, come on-"

" **You** come on!" Double woah. This was so bizarre. She'd never seen Brooke righteously angry before. "I am so... tired, Audrey. And I don't like who I am or the things that I do. I hate pretending like I'm the only thing that matters. It sucks. So tell me about you and your girlfriend. How's that going?"

Audrey hesitated, and it wasn't like it wasn't all that obvious. Brooke nudged into her, a silent reminder that she wasn't asking to be nice. If this were a polite conversation, now would be the time to lie. But if she was legitimately curious... "Things have been better. I uh... can't tell you all the specifics. But she's a mess. And I'm a mess. And our anxieties mix like oil and... fire." Well, now she was spilling everything and it was too late to bother stopping herself. Audrey drank the last of her wine only to watch as Brooke happily topped off her glass. "I love her. And because of that, sometimes I think the best thing for us is to break up."

Fingers slowly worked their way through her hair and she could hear the other girl muttering to her kind of soothingly, "Poor Audrey. That sucks. It's poop, Audrey. Poop! And you deserve- We deserve better!"

It was clear to Audrey that her friend – and it seemed that they were indeed friends now – was losing consciousness. Not surprising, considering how much she'd had. So she cleaned up the bottles and the glass and moved them down to the kitchen. She got the impression there was no point in hiding the fact that the girl had been drinking from her father. After some hunting, Audrey managed to find some aspirin and a glass of water to leave on her bedside table. She'd just gotten her shoes and jacket on when Brooke momentarily got a tiny surge of energy.

"Wait wait!" Her speech was slurred and she wasn't really motioning, just flailing in her general direction. "Goodbye hug." Brooke gave her a true princess-pout that you just couldn't say no to. Coming back over to the bed, Audrey drew the girl into her arms and hugged her tight. Both of them held the embrace for at least a few seconds longer than one normally might have done. Even as Audrey tried to pull away, she could sense Brooke's hesitation. When she finally did start to get some space back between them, Brooke snagged her face by the cheeks and tugged her into a sloppy kiss.

As much as she knew it was idiotic, part of Audrey really wanted, really needed, to just sink into this and do something terrible. Brooke was so upsettingly gorgeous and her lips were precisely as soft as they looked and Audrey had never before felt the sensation of desperate hands begging her to stay. Her, the weirdo girl with the weirdo best friend who was still bitter over being ditched by her childhood buddy. Just like she said, she was a mess, and unlike Rachel who seemed to be constantly begging her to save her, it seemed as though Brooke was happy to accept her as a mess.

But anything easy and satisfying likely came with a massive fucking price-tag. And Audrey was not prepared to do something dumb tonight. She finally managed to break away, though not as far as she probably should have. She was still panting and catching her breath, her own hands resting on top of Brooke's. Their lips were still so close, their breath mingling, both girls afraid to open their eyes and see what lay on the other one's face. "Damn. Damn damn damn."

"Did you... at least enjoy it?"

"Yeah..."

"I did too."

They sat there in silence for a while longer until Audrey knew she had to leave before she didn't have the strength to tear herself away from this any longer. She stood up, brushing off and straightening up her leather jacket. "If you want... I could get a few people together, make sure Jake doesn't get the wrong idea about spreading your secret around?"

Already Brooke was starting to nestle into her pillows, approaching unconsciousness. "Nah... s'not the worst thing... could be nice, not pretending... All Hail Brooke Maddox, the Bi Princess..." she started to giggle deliriously and it was obvious that Audrey needed to get the hell out of dodge.

"Hah, alright. Sweet dreams then, princess." She hurried back out of the place before the girl's dad showed up with serious concerns about her _intentions_.

/

Audrey honestly assumed that night would be the end of things. Not that she had a ton of experience, but common sense told her that once you made out with someone inappropriately, you couldn't really go back to being normal.

But two weeks became the benchmark. Before she knew it, she was being contacted again and again by Brooke. Sometimes they would actually hang out, other times they would bitch about life. It had become a regular thing – regular enough for it to become an issue with Rachel. And it wasn't like Audrey could blame her! She was sneaking off every other Saturday to go cavorting with some mystery girl.

But that understanding wasn't strong enough to stop a fight from breaking out. And it was a bad one, both her and Rachel funneling pretty much every single one of their fears and insecurities into the conversation. It wasn't even a loud screaming match. When they fought it was often very quiet and passionate since they couldn't make too much noise and worry their families.

The religious problems. Rachel's self-harm. Audrey's nihilism. Rachel's fear and anxiety. Audrey's self-destructiveness and obvious unresolved feelings for all the women in her life. Names were named, and things that should never have been said were said in clear, unambiguous language.

It was rough.

She didn't hear from Rachel for several days – way longer than they usually went after a fight. It was just around the time that Audrey was starting to get actually worried that she got a call. Rather than her girlfriend, it was actually the girl's mother. The conversation was far from pleasant. Rachel had hurt herself far worse than normal this time, and now that the hospital had fixed her up, she was asking specifically for her 'friend' Audrey, the same person who her mother was certain had put her there.

She forced herself not to race to the hospital. Rachel was already fine and there was absolutely no hurry. Still, she felt panicked and worried by the time she got to the right floor. If the girl was asking for her specifically, then she had some things she wanted to say. And Audrey didn't really know how many _things_ she could handle presently. But she owed it to Rachel to be there.

It wasn't any easier actually being in the room with her. Rachel was laid up in her bed with the whole set-up, the IV, the bandages over her wrists. _Holy shit, I did this to her. I'm a monster._ Audrey fumbled to grab a chair and sit beside the bed as Rachel slowly came to and smiled at her. _And still she smiles. Fuck me._ "Hey... How are you... doing?"

Rachel gave a humble little shrug and pushed herself to a seated position. "Ah, kicking myself a little for being such a dummy."

Already tears were brimming in Audrey's eyes, and she hated how weak that made her feel. "Please, don't do that to yourself! I know it's not easy, but I'd rather you blame me..."

"Oh Audrey~" Rachel actually gave her a sort of pitying look as she turned out her bandaged wrists. "I... cut myself horizontally. I wasn't trying to end things and... and it wasn't you're fault. I didn't know what else to do so, just this once, I'm actually one of those girls crying for help." She reached out and Audrey took her hand, and it felt far too obvious to bother with the symbolism. "There's more going on with me than even you know about. I need therapy, and time, and I can't live with myself demanding so much of you all the time. You deserve to be with someone who gives as much as they take."

This was something that Audrey really hadn't ever seen from Rachel before. Perhaps she hadn't given the girl enough credit? Or maybe Rachel had just grown up a great deal in a short amount of time. She squeezed Audrey's hand and smiled so warmly for a girl in such incredible pain. "For instance, someone who's a bit more sure of themselves. Say, a girl who's strong and surprisingly thoughtful? I'm not so unobservant Audrey. Occasionally I have some idea what's going on."

/

"And you're sure? We don't have to do this right now. I mean, it's kind of sudden. We're not even... I-I mean this is kind of a big deal."

"Please don't tell me all my hints were that subtle. I might have been drunk, but I knew what I was doing when I kissed you. I'm _ready_ , Odd. Show me what you got."

Audrey messed with the remote on the controller with a small sigh. Attempting to not worry so much about what was expected of either of them, Brooke decided that what she really wanted was to watch Audrey's favorite movie. That conversation led to a five minute ramble about how having one singular 'favorite movie' was absolutely ridiculous. Even going full-nerd, Brooke seemed undeterred.

So she was willing to agree to watching _a_ favorite movie – trying to choose just one was still tough. Brooke said she wanted to see something strange since she basically never got to watch that kind of stuff. She had also apparently been taking to calling her Odd lately, which had the surprising effect of making this blooming warm feeling rise up in her chest.

Audrey put on Upstream Color before settling back against the supremely fluffy pillows with Brooke to cuddle and watch the movie. "I think you'll really like this one. It's kinda confusing, but it's beautiful and ethereal, so if you get lost, just enjoy all the cool stuff instead."

"Y'know, with anyone else I would probably make some joke about not being able to watch the film because of making out or whatever. But... I meant what I said. I want to see a movie that shows me something about you. That's... new for me." Regardless of what Brooke had just said, Audrey still felt her face tugged aside by the chin and into a brief kiss.

They did eventually break it as the movie proper began, but both of them were covered in goofy smiles and red cheeks. "Keep calling me Odd, I'm gonna start calling you Jayquelin." Hmm, that was too jokey. She sighed and leaned against her with a small nuzzle. "Um. It's new for me too. So is the nickname thing. I really do like it."

As promised, they spent the movie being relatively chaste. When it ended, Audrey looked expectantly at Brooke who seemed... overwhelmed. She frowned and brushed aside a few errant strands of blonde hair. "It's cool if you hated it, I would prefer your honest opinion."

"No! No, I didn't hate it, I'm just... very confused. Like um... remember when we spent an entire English class on ee cummings? And some of us just couldn't process it? It's like that. I thought it was beautiful. But... it feels like I'm missing stuff? Like a bunch of stuff?"

So Audrey spent a good hour or more talking with Brooke about the themes and motifs in the movie. It might not have taken so long, but every now and then, Brooke would interrupt her to talk about how smart and charming she was, and then they would devolve into another make-out session.

Not exactly surprising, Audrey ended up spending the night, because who wouldn't want to get a good night's sleep next to the prettiest girl at school in a huge fluffy bed? She lay there in the dark with Brooke's head against her chest, idly toying with her hair now and then. "Hey Brooke?"

"Yeah?" The girl stirred slightly, but not enough to disrupt their cuddling.

"I was kinda thinking that maybe we could come out... together? Like as a thing? When you're ready?"

Brooke grabbed for her hand gracefully, pulling it toward her lips and kissing the knuckle gently. "Why not Monday?"


End file.
